It's hard to find good help

My file clerk is giving me trouble again. She is SUPPOSED to keep my cranial files in order and pull up words and information when I need it. You know, the important questions like 'Who was the guy who played the captain on Love Boat?' or ' Where did I put the car insurance policy?' or 'Where did I put the car?'. She is also SUPPOSED to keep a steady supply of appropriate words on hand during a conversation.

Hi, Mary!
Hi, Sue!
How is your family?
Oh, great, we went out last night to... you know, to one of those places where you eat popcorn, they turn out the lights and you watch all those pictures move on the wall... Oh, what's it called?
You mean a movie?
Yeah, Yeah, a movie!!!
Was it any good?
Was what any good?

A good file clerk would NOT leave you hanging like that. She would not make you play verbal charades. But mine does. I don't know if she sleeps on the job, takes frequent long breaks or if she is just rearranges all the files for kicks. Sometimes I suspect the latter. Especially when I reach for a word and am met with a blank. Nothing. Thin air. Sometimes I latch on to whatever comes to mind just to fill the void and move on. It makes for interesting interchanges.

Mother: Janey would you please go put these clean clothes in ( .............) the refrigerator?

Wife: Dear, would you please hand me the salt for my (.................) socks?


The woman has a warped sense of humor. I would fire her but I can't find a replacement. If you hear of a good prospect tell her to call me. My number is in the (................) laundry basket.